and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
