Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
