I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
