I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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