Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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