he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
