Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
