Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
