I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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