Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
