I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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