I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
