so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
