Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
