if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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