why didn't you poke me back
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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