Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
