He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
