ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i will never coherently bang her
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why is there bacon in the couch?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
