I love black thongs
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
