Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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