if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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