Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize