Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
