Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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