man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
