Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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