i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
