How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
