My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize