I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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