Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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