what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
