You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just gargled with NyQuil
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
