Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
