In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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