P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
