My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
