this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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