During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
