this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
