I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So. Much. Porn.
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