The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
