She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
