its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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