He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
