He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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