I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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