i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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