I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
