All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
