I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize