I'd wear matching sweaters with you
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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