all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
