That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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