it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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