All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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