I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
