I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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