Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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