Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
