And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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