nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
