The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
