I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
