the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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