bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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