also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
