Me too!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
