No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
