I could make wine with my vomit
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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