I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
