Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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