its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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