just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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