I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize