You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
