I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize