I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
