We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
