Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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