is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
