I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
