C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
