Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
