why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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