omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
