guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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