Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
