Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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