I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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