I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
