Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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