He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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