how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
