i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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