This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
