I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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