I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
