we're chasing vodka with high fives
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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