she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
