So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
