Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
