absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
