You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
