you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize