hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
