brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
