And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
