on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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