I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
