My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
