never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
