i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
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